upset.
i didnt get into e1.
i wanted so badly to cry everything that was bottled up inside me for so long .
but the tears just
wont fall...wanted to look for
YOU after school. but i guess. you werent home.
decided to try going out to free my mind of things.
but i just kept thinkingg of everything pulling me down.
i feel so lost....im just a fucking failure.
ive not been a good friend.
ive not been a good jie
and ive not been a good ______
**** ****.
sorrie. really sorrie.
im not a good jie to ue
thats why all this happened
if only itold you earlier what i thought about him
maybe all this wont have happen.
youre court case and everything.
its making me so worried
andi feel so guilty. that i havent been there for you
andyou were so scared of making me angry that you didnt tell me.
but girl . im angry because i cared.
whats more. youre my mei.
why drag so long to tell me what happened?!
you takkaiire. alright ?
to my dear friend mouse.
i know i havent been a good friend to you .
and i know that alot of things are going on with you.
but i really hope our friendship can go back to what it was when we started out.
really sincerely.
to _______.
well. i guess you know already. so i wont type more here.
im a fucking failure.
i failed people who are dearest and important to me.
and most importantly .
i failed myself.
everything's lost its meaning for me.
but i have to carry on and pretend nothing's wrong.
so whenever you see that fucking smile on my face.
and if youwanna try your luck.
push it and ask how am i .
if youre lucky, i'll tell you . with a bucket of tears and a whole garbage can of tissues
;
after school , walked with xingjuan, Cherie ann , and lynette.
allthree were pissed by somethings lurh.
sighs.
zarboh . takkaiire. remember to tell me how things go on mondae.
;
then went to cwp with xingjuan and cherie .
left them halfway and went to kfc to meet stella, zying, beeqi and kimberly loke.
went to look for earrings for qii'err.
met stella's friends after that. bernard and some other guy from WRSS.
went to walk around some more
then kimberly's stead came.
damn. gave me a heartattack.
and kimberrrrlyyyyy!
you wont scare me to death wan lah.
more like i'll grab a bunch of noisy people to come and give you a headache
*rubs hands and thinks of jinhui. *
hmm. dont need a bunch lah.
jinhui's enough (:
seriously. cp's the first guy i see and i get so scared till i tremble and shiver.
his looks are frightening.
and he just pops out from nowhere.
kim. uer stead is SCARY lah.
walked around some more than decided to go home.
YOURE still not home yet :(
;
***** you suck.
nowonder all the girls dumped you.
fucker.
keep uer fucking comments to yourself.
this is me. and my own fucking look.
so fuckoff and go fuck some fugly table or fugly ahmah who's blind enough to fuck you .
(:
;
im so fcking lost now.
i really need time off.
but from what ?
sighs.
my mind's in a whirl.
i really dont know what to do anymore.
but i still have to put up that fucking happy face and pretend nothing's wrong.
why?
because i dont want people to suddenly start treating me nicely and start being good to me.
i hate hypocrites.
i wanna go to the beach tomorrow.
any fucking beach. just as long as there's the ocean. high tide.
and really. really strong wind.
anyone wanna go ?
and i need someone who can lend me their shoulder to cry on.
and a big big biggggg bearhug.
i need to cry.
but i cant. not at home.
i cant afford to breakdown at home where its an emotional jail for me
i dont want my parents or anuty coming after me thinking that something is wrong and start manipulating and limiting me again.
i cant afford that.
i really need a good strong shoulder
and a pair of strong loving arms to fall into right now.
i want someone to be there. and let me cry on their shoulders.
and not ask any questions.
daddy god. where are you when i needed you most?
baby. where are you ?
i love YOU more and more each day ;
5:00 PM
